Bowser Eggs
by TheBowserBomb
Summary: Bowser needs a gift to bring to the villain party!


**BOWSER EGGS**

Bowser was nervous. Very nervous. Despite such actions being quite out of character for him, he was NERVOUS. And why, may you ask?

He had no gift to bring to Ganondorf's Villain Party.

Ganondorf's biannual Villain Party was, generally the best time a villain had all year (unless they actually _defeated_ the hero, which never happened). You had to bring a number of small trinkets equal to the number of guests, to fill a goody bag for each person. And Bowser had never, ever fallen short (even though he, at one time, had to sacrifice his Goomba Army to the unrelenting hand of the goody bag).

He didn't intend to fall short this time either.

"Goombas!" he barked in his most commanding voice. "Get in this bag, right now!"

The Goombas stopped their work. Unknown to most, Goombas had an internal communication device implanted by Bowser, which they put to good use.

_You think we should do it? _Asked Goomba T1-M (nicknamed Tim).

_No! It's a trap! _Said J-03 (his friends call him Joe). _Last time he asked that-_

_ Whaddaya mean, last time? _exclaimed B0-B (a.k.a. Bob). _I certainly don't remember a last time!_

_ You weren't here. You're part of the new batch,_ Explained Joe. _I am the only survivor of...The Massacre._

Tim, Bob, and the rest of the cleverly named Goombas gasped.

Joe continued. _When I was a young bioengineered __war weapon, the Creator asked us all to get in a bag. I woke up several days later, finding every single Goomba, gone! The next day, I saw the _new batch_! I don't know what happened, but we should not get in that bag! _

The others quickly agreed and the entire Goomba Army ran out the door of the castle to be a plot device later in the story.

Bowser blinked, and seeing he had not just hallucinated, fell on his knees and screamed.

LATER...

"Koopas, get in this bag!"

The Koopas, not being forewarned and therefore forearmed, jumped into the bag without hesitation.

_Poor guys,_ Bowser thought, _they're just turtles ... like me,_ he frowned at that thought and walked out of the castle, holding the bag of wriggling reptiles.

Later down the road, Bowser unexpectedly ran into a Magikoopa. Literally.

"Oof!" he exclaimed, falling to the ground. He looked up at the Magikoopa and gasped. Whatever it was, it was NOT a Magikoopa. Its wrinkled flesh certainly resembled a Magikoopa's blue cloak, but it seemed to have completely black face, like staring into a dark room.

"Forewarned is forearmed!" it giggled.

"Excuse me?" Bowser said not quite understanding, and a little groggy from the fall.

"Things are not always what they seem...," it muttered. "Like your bag!" It pointed at the suspiciously non-moving bag, laughed and ran off.

_What was it talking about? _Bowser thought. _Still, better check the ba- _"AAARGH!" The bag was full of eggs.

Earlier...

_Everything in place?_ Asked Joe.

_Aye, aye, captain! _Responded the other Goombas.

Joe leapt at the bag, holding a knife in his teeth. He cut the bag and quickly fell onto the line of pillows they had laid behind Bowser. The Koopas started falling out, and the Goombas filled the bag with the only plentiful material available, eggs.

_You think he'll notice before he reaches Ganon's castle? _Asked Bob, laughing.

_Only if a mysterious soothsayer knocks him over, delivers a random proverb and then tells him to look in the bag! _Said Tim, not realizing his prophetic words.

Back with Bowser, at a roadside convenience store...

"I'm sorry, but we don't buy, we just sell!" explained the owner for the hundredth time. "We're over stocked on eggs anyway."

"Overstocked...wait. Give me all the eggs you have! Quick!" Bowser had had a brilliant idea.

The shop owner was very confused by Bowser's sudden change of mind, but, he supposed, you don't get many customers in the middle of Dark Land, so best to not complain.

Bowser had realized earlier that a carton of eggs would make a good gift, but he didn't have enough to make a carton for everyone. But with the store's overstock of eggs, it seemed the Star Spirits were at last in his favor, he thought, as he walked up to Ganon's castle, dragging the heavy bag behind him. He was careful to keep it in the center of the path, otherwise it would fall into... "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" The bag had dropped into the chasm.

Bowser despaired as he walked into the castle, realizing he would forever be a ridicule of villains everywhere. Not having a gift would make him an outcast, never to be featured in another game ever again! _Oh well, _he thought,_ Time to meet my... what?_ His eggs were sitting in a new area of the castle labelled "Drop-offs".

"What are my eggs doing here?" he asked the Iron Knuckle on duty.

"You dropped them off...," it said in confusion. No one else had ever questioned this office before. It was one of the most straightfoward things in the castle!

"Into the chasm!" Bowser replied angrily,

"Oh, you must be here for the party!" the Iron Knuckle realized. "Is this your gift?"

"Yes, could I have it back?" Bowser was getting very mad.

"But-"

"NO BUTS! GIVE IT TO ME!"

The Iron Knuckle complied, following Ganondorf's orders to never disagree with an angry guest.

As Bowser walked into the throne room, he noticed Ganondorf making a speech to the party.

"BUY MY FAMOUS DISCO BALLS!" Ganondorf was not exactly sane.

Bowser tried to have fun, but it was hard with a bag of eggs and constant shouts of, "BUY MY FAMOUS DISCO BALLS!". He spoke to other villains, he listened to the music, but he noticed something strange: no one else had a present! Boy, he really outdid everyone this time. He felt compelled to talk to Ganondorf then and went over.

"Hey! Why does no one lese have presents?" Bowser asked.

"BUY MY FAMOUS DISCO BALLS! Because you were supposed to drop it off. BUY MY FAMOUS DISCO BALLS!"

Bowser ran back, but the office was closed. "NOOOOOOOOOO!" Fortunately, help came in the form of the wrinkly blue thing.

"Here is this time travelling egg. Fix your mistakes with it," it said, and then disappeared.

"Ooh! Time travel!" Ganondorf exclaimed. "Nnow people can BUY MY FAMOUS DISCO BALLS! in other times! Ciao!" he disappeared.

So Bowser became a ridicule, Ganondorf disappeared, and the Koopas and the Goombas formed the country of Zephyr. But that's another story.

**THE END**


End file.
